Opportunistic Sex

OPPORTUNISTIC SEX- the word is coined by our Marketing and Communications Director. It’s simple which means young people have opportunistic sex. It is neither planned nor they think about consequences but like to enjoy the moment of pleasure. “SEX” through media, novel and stories has been fantasized and glamorized. It is shown as if the only that moment needs to be treasured rather than enjoying moment with responsibility.

 Talking about young people of urban setting in Nepal, either they are brought up in joint family or migrated from rural areas to city for education and in search of job. In both context, there is no privacy. You have to share your room, even bed with siblings if you stay with your family or with roommates if you rent a room. We are never open to talk about sex, pleasure and orgasm among our siblings or friends. We still maintain silence on these stuffs. We are never open to this. Even if someone shares about their sex fantasy we tend to reject the idea and would not like to discuss on these topics. It is even worse case for young girls. Gender construction has allowed young men to exacerbate their sex life whereas young females are resilience and never commit on saying they ever had sexual attraction or sex.

Young people live in a close society where neighbor next door is a watch dog. They always have evil eyes on what you are doing and eagerly waiting for a chance to complain about their wrong doing to your family. Even in family, you won’t get your private time. Even if you asked for they tend to assume whether my son or daughter is a drug addict. Uff…. I need alone time and you are never provided with one. In these situation, how could you enjoy your sexuality; a self time to enjoy masturbation or even talk with your buddies about your sexual interest. It’s difficult. Each young people struggle with this. How could you respect your partner’s sexual pleasure until you enjoy yours.

You do not have a separate space in your home where you could invite your partner and enjoy the moment. You are always surrounded by family members. You can’t even enjoy private messages on phone or on social media. Even you have to share your phone and laptop. There is no privacy. Frequently your phone and laptop are logged in by your parents or by your siblings/ friends. The sexual desires and pleasures are now self centric. You are confused whether the feeling is only limited to you. You don’t enjoy being teen age nor growing up with feelings for opposite sex or same sex.

 You even can’t prepare yourself for safe sex. Advertisements on CONDOM are banded in family. Magazines with nude pictures are not allowed to be entered in the home. Radio programs on SRHR is not tuned in as parents think it is injurious to their young people in their teen age. Teachers feel shy to talk about sexual organs and their importance. In this situation it feels like you are closed in dark box where you suffocate but none realize. The only way to know what actually going on your body is surfing Internet and googling wrong site, maybe + 18 years site.

How easily could you carry a packet of condom in your pocket? We try to normalize sex and sexual behavior for safe sex but it is not digested in our family. Your room is cleaned by your mother. You clothes even are washed by your mother. How much possible to keep a condom in your bag or pocket where your pockets/bags are always investigated at home/colleges. It is said to carry a condom for safety. Unless people normalize their behavior seeing a condom in young people’s wallet and change their attitude towards young people having sex is crime, OPPORTUNISTIC SEX keeps on happening putting young people in risk behaviors.

There is an advertisement saying free condoms and other contraceptives are available in health facilities. You can easily get condom for safe sex in pharmacy. Enacting this into behavior and with courage if a young person goes to health facilities or pharmacy to get condom or EC, he/ she is judged by her age. They are stared with negative vibes and won’t let their eyes out of young people until their shadow is passed away. This is the situation for young people in our society and how could we expect they use safe methods to enjoy their sec life.

All these situations lead to having OPPORTUNISTIC SEX. You wait for an opportunity to have sex where everything happen without a plan where you fear the situation rather enjoying and your first sexual experience is never worthy to remember and rejoice. This tends to be painful experience ending with unwanted pregnancy or victim of sexual violence. This leads to imbalance power relationship where one only thinks about own sexual pleasure and enjoyment rather respecting partner’s feelings and desires. Let’s break the silence. Let’s talk about your sexual health. Let’s not stigmatize sexual desire of young people.


Youth Advocacy Institute & Fertility Dance

Tell me which part of your body you love the most? The answers would be: Eyes-it helps me to see beautiful scenario in Colombo; My nose- it helps me to breathe warm breeze of Indian sea in Sri Lanka; My legs: it helps me to travel wherever I want; My hair: my pictures look amazing with my black & long hair. And what about your genitals??? emmm…. GENITALS? WHAT ESPECIAL ABOUT THAT?? well….. never thought about this….

It has been always great to be part of Youth Advocacy Institute every year organized by Asia Safe Abortion Partnership. This time it is in Sri Lanka. The time for reunion with senior Youth Champions and ASAP team. The joyful venture to meet rising SRHR advocates from various countries. YAI always motivate me to keep on working in SRHR field and advocating for women’s right to safe and legal abortion. This year I am here as peer facilitator and got wonderful opportunity to co-facilitate session on Reproduction and Contraception with Dr. Suchitra.

Coming back to genital organs and the embarrassment to pronounce the part of our genitals in front of other people. We are youth champions. We have taken responsibility to aware 1000s of young people back home regarding their SRH needs, rights and access to services and information. How could we be embarrassed to say “PENIS”, “SPERMS”, “VAGINA” ??? We should shout it loud and inspire people to demystify the myths related to these terminologies.

I believe unless you know the subject in reality it would be difficult to teach other people. After introductory session on reproduction & contraception, we moved to a session which termed as “FERTILITY DANCE”. A huge uterus was drawn on the floor. This session is generally a role play. Lets do this…. what… lets have sex….. well I am kidding…. but lets learn reproduction and mechanism on women’s body. Various cheats were distributed to youth champions which says IUCD, IMPLANT, OCP, CONDOM, PENIS, OVA, SPERMS, etc. Now they had to enact the characters.

Talking about sperms, they are active, fast and clever as they have to fertilize ova for reproduction. IUCD, its probably T-shaped and has to be fitted in the uterus in T shape and fight with sperms. Hormonal contraceptives like OCP, IMPLANT and Shot they could hold ova so tight that it won’t be able to release in Fallopian tube. The enthusiastic YCs acted so well that the session turned to be fun and infotainment.

This session is in deed interesting and full of energy. This helps you to understand how fertilization takes place in uterus and how a woman conceive. Even convincing when you facilitate session to women’s groups, youth groups, mother’s groups to make them understand the mechanism and clear their myths related to contraceptives, safe abortion pills and other.

To know more about Youth Advocacy Institute click here.